6 Ways I Almost Ruined My Career
Ever since I was a kid, being a professional is something I always strived for. Like many young boys, I wanted to be a professional basketball player. Those ambitions changed in high school due to life altering events. My freshman year, I collapsed during a basketball game. A year later, my childhood best friend collapsed and died while playing basketball in our hometown. After taking an accounting class at Union High School in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I discovered something I loved just as much as basketball. I wanted to be the Kobe Bryant of accounting. That became my goal. In High school I was so obsessed with becoming an accountant and equally obsessed with Kobe. That obsession only grew once I got to college, where I received my Bachelor’s degree in accounting from Oklahoma Christian University. After college, I worked for several organizations in different industries. I also became a Certified Fraud Examiner along the way. After reaching my goal of being a professional accountant, the more I practiced accounting, the more I began to find my identity in it. What once was an aspiration as a high school student became an unhealthy obsession as an adult that nearly derailed not only my career, but my life. In the moment, I didn’t realize how far gone I was and the damage I was doing to myself and those around me. Over the next few moments, I will share the six ways I almost ruined my career. My hope in sharing these is that if you find yourself relating to any of these things, that you would feel encouraged to be your true authentic self and inspired to be the best and healthiest professional you can be.
1. Putting My Identity in What I Do: Given how bad I wanted to be an accountant, dating back to high school, I feel like this was the easiest trap for me to fall into. The more I practiced accounting, the more I found myself finding AND defining my own personal value by what type of accounting I was doing. My life outside of work often felt empty and aimless. I shared these struggles with a mentor of mine and he recommended that I read the book “The Search for Significance.” This book helped me realize that it is not what I do that defines me but who God says I am and created me to be that gives me value. For so many years I viewed accounting as my destination. Now I realize it has been a tool and skillset that God gifted me with to serve other people and help them reach their destination!
2. Imposter Syndrome: There’s a slogan that myself and many of you reading this grew up hearing, “I Wanna Be Like Mike!” For those who are unfamiliar with the phrase, it’s in reference to Michael Jordan, who many deem as the greatest basketball player of all time. But what happens when you can’t be like Mike? As I stated earlier, I wanted to be like Kobe. He was my Michael Jordan. As I got older, I was able to meet and develop personal and professional relationships with some phenomenal men in the finance realm. I wanted to be like each of them in my own way. However, the more I tried to be like these people, the more I failed. That left me feeling inadequate and less than quite often. Going to therapy helped me realize the root of the issue which was feeling like I was never good enough which traced back to my childhood. Working hard was a mask that I put on each day in efforts to prevent people from seeing just how precarious I really was. This leads me to my next point.
3. Insecurity: Insecurity is something that I struggled with the majority of my life. Much like in point #2, going to therapy helped me unpack the why behind my insecurity. One thing that I have learned over the years is that isolation feeds insecurity. Isolation is a weapon that I used both intentionally and unintentionally whenever any negative event took place in my life. Those instances created a lot of self-inflicted pain as well as pain to the people around me. The saying, “hurt people hurt people” couldn’t be more accurate. Not knowing how to cope with or even communicate feelings and thoughts made me even more insecure. Deep down I wanted to share. But deep down I also felt like if I was to communicate my true feelings and present my authentic self, I would be viewed as less than and not good enough. That was a constant internal battle for years in my career as well as my personal life.
4. Not Taking Ownership and Responsibility: There’s a phrase in leadership circles that says “Leaders give credit when things are going well, but they take the blame when things aren’t.” I was the opposite up until a couple of years ago. I wanted the celebrations when objectives and goals were met. I didn’t want anything to do with critique or criticism. I believed my insecurities couldn’t handle the reality that I played a role in something failing or in a mistake. I struggled with taking ownership of things that didn’t go well from the tangible aspects of my job. I also struggled with owning my attitude, communication, body language, and thoughts. Failing to take ownership halted my growth and delayed professional development. When I began to own my mess, I became able to work through my mess. To this day, I’m still working!
5. Not Acknowledging Weaknesses: Neglecting to work on myself and take the time to truly learn myself made it nearly impossible to acknowledge my weaknesses. I knew they were there. However, I knew that if I acknowledged them, I would have to do something about them. For most of my career, I was unwilling to put in that level of work. I tried to hide my weaknesses so others couldn’t see. This was emotionally and mentally exhausting. I spent more energy trying to hide my weaknesses than working on them. Failing to acknowledging my weaknesses prevented me from appreciating the strengths of others. This robbed me of experiencing and appreciating collaboration with teammates. Isolation was the result of this which fed into my insecurities. It seems crazy how this is all connected, right? The thing I love most about football is there are eleven guys on a field from different backgrounds, all different sizes, and different skillsets working together for one common goal. One of greatest football players of all time is Tom Brady. Brady won six Super Bowls as a starting quarterback. I doubt he would have won a single Super Bowl being the starting running back for those teams. We all have strengths and weaknesses but we must acknowledge both to be successful. It’s imperative that we operate within our sweet spots and collaborate with others in areas that we are weak in. Work your weakness, that is how growth happens.
6. Exiting a Job Too Soon: One of my favorite things to do is travel to other cities. Before I board a plane, it’s imperative that I take nausea medication. When flying out of OKC, I often have connecting flights. One on occasion when flying to LA, I had a connecting flight in Phoenix with no plane change. Passengers who had Phoenix as a final destination or a connecting flight to another city departed the plane. Passengers that boarded the plane in Phoenix had LA as a final destination or a connecting flight elsewhere. Passengers who boarded the plane in OKC with LA as their final destination were asked to stay seated. This was much like my career at one point. All the self-inflicted turbulence I caused and not preparing for the flight properly made me nauseous to a point where anxiety and discomfort increased my desire to get off of the plane. I can honestly tell you that if I had gotten off of the plane before my destination I would have been stuck. This would have caused trouble for myself and my family, cost us time, plus the inconvenience of finding other ways to get to our destination. Staying seated allowed me to grow substantially in ways that would have been nearly impossible. My marriage is better because I stayed seated, my ministry is better because I stayed seated. My relationships with people are stronger because I stayed seated. Staying seated granted me the necessary time to grow and develop in a multitude of ways. Are you like me? Have you experienced some turbulence, anxiety, or depression in your career and feel the urge to get off of the plane? Have you already gotten off of the plane in your career? Do you feel stuck? If so, I encourage you to get to work and search for ways to board the next flight to your destination. By no means am I encouraging you to stay in unhealthy environments that are compromising your health and safety for the sake of staying seated. Use discernment.
Everyone wants a thriving career that they are excited about each day. Our careers play such an important role in our quality of life and how we provide for the lifestyle we want to live. There were times in my career where I wanted to give up, felt inadequate, and even battled depression. If you find yourself relating to any of the ways I almost ruined my career, I hope this blog has provided you hope that you can overcome these challenges. I encourage you to spend time learning yourself. Do the work. There is so much beauty in the journey of growing and becoming greater. In addition, it’s absolutely crucial for you to invite people on your journey. You are not called to do life in isolation! Give your career your best shot! More importantly, give your career the best YOU! You got this!